Daydreaming

Well, I guess my weekly list of to-do’s is shot to hell. Turns out that the steps I will take and the adventure I’ve embarked on by exploring my artistic facets cannot be broken down into weekly segments; I was a tad eager for movement and change in myself to assume that they could…. It is a constant voyage: lulls, speed-ups, side tracks, short cuts, nap-times, snack breaks, discoveries...

Throughout the past 5 weeks, I attempted on a several occasions to blog it up and put down solidly and wholeheartedly, what it was that I was going through and the feelings that I encountered.

Much, much, harder than anticipated! My thoughts (that I created this blog to sift through and make sense of) have been overlapping, endless, indecipherable, unpredictable; attempting to put them into understandable sentences is impossible until they allow me to sort them.

I struggled when contemplating my degree in Marketing and my fading enthusiasm for a career that would inevitably leave me bruised, sour and jaded. I realize this is a negative point of view of the marketing industry, but I’m losing my luster for it and I see clearly how the people in the industry, constant pressure and high levels of competition would affect me. I’m coming to terms with the fact that my drive to be the “bitch in the business suit” is slowly losing speed…. An alternative is taking hold of me. One that many Professors and a certain institution (cough cough JMSB) may frown upon. Forget the executive position, endless piles of paper work and constant schmoozing; they will not satisfy me or allow me to grow creatively. I just want… happiness. Happiness through creation!
Melding my want, nay, need, to create with a career that envelopes the elements of marketing that I truly do love: the people, the understanding of the psychology of people, pleasing your client, creating based on consumer demand = the perfect job.
My digital arts course has definitely played a huge role this semester, in steering me towards: Creation… Art…. Images….. Colours…. Lines…. Design!

Graphic artist, perhaps?

I wrote an old friend who is the founder, designer & art director of his own graphic design firm, Zerflin (http://zerflin.com/). He gave me several points to follow when embarking on a career as a graphic artist.
One that seriously stuck with me is #10:
Be brave. In everything you do, take risks, and try new things. Regularity stifles creativity.
Hence, my push to leave my comfort zone in an educational context and social context. Infact, this push to remove myself from my comfort zone has led to two major, MAJOR factors in my career search and on my path!
I feel exhilarated! NEW! My being around creative people has lead to a far more creative me… I’m seeing things in a new light... and constantly lost in dreams of the future.

Chapter 1: Step 1

I’m feeling good right now and, funnily enough, this blog has contributed. Organizing my thoughts, listing out my issues, strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats,... (SWOT for all Marketers)… Makes me realize how things actually are. That is, from an outside point of view, rather than my own critical angle. This week, I’m more aware of my strengths than I was last week.

I had to face several issues head-on this weekend. And I must say, the conflict was liberating. Unbeknownst to me at the time, facing these issues reinstated my belief in self. I have great instincts; they should be granted more decision-making power. I won’t neglect them again. I vow, wholehearted instinct following in future endeavors.

Although the issues I dealt with had little to do with my education or my future career, having my instincts and what I know questioned and proven correct, truly restored my sense of confidence. This weekend I realized, I know what I’m doing.

As if by fate, the direction I was searching for delivered itself in the form of a few confrontations in which, whether victor or not, I came out stronger on the inside.
Faith in self. I’m realizing more and more that although I initially search for support from family and friends, I should take a breather and remember who I am and what I have to offer.

As I mentioned in the Prelude, my first week of school dealt me some blows. Many of which had to be dealt in order for me to realize where I stand and what steps to take next. I’ve felt deflated by my marketing peers who seem so directed and aware of what path they intend to follow as I am unsure and my path will most likely be unconventional. This has caused me some shame unfortunately. I’m ashamed to admit my shame as I am a true advocate of individuality and self-expression. You would think that I would embrace my differences, thrive from them and encourage their development. However, thank the higher power for my weekend disputes and the emotional stability they granted me. As unconventional as my path may be, it will be mine.

The decisions I make are the right ones for me, I feel solidified in that fact now.

In an effort to prove to myself that I am growing as an individual and taking concrete steps towards my goals (numerated in Prelude), I will attempt a weekly listing of my cultivating activities...

Week 1 STEPS (Let the marketing group work, artistic endeavors and exploration begin):

- Debate style Food Marketing presentation preparation
- Consider and add qualifications/added value/artistic assets to CV
- Self-portrait on photoshop (Erin as a Tree, Being of Growth)
- Photos of landscape and bedroom for Studio Art Class (Photographic evidence to follow)
- Singing class! Belt it out! VOCALIZE!
- Critical analysis, evaluation and contemplation of case for Strategic Marketing Planning
- Personalized greeting cards to celebrate my loved ones' achievements, birthdays and a special anniversary (Many reasons to celebrate this week!)
- Explore ways to gain insight into my sixth sense. I'm not crazy people, I have had several concrete ESP moments this week...


Cheers to me being me and you being you.

Prelude

I never thought of myself as much of a blogger but I guess that's because, I never had reason to be a blogger.

These days, I have some soul-searching to do. I have a career path to find. Great expectations from a simple blog, but I feel a need to explore myself and document my duel efforts of career-searching and soul-searching. I want to make sense of my final year of university and the struggles I face while pursuing an education in marketing and a passion for the arts.

Unfortunately, my ego has suffered a few blows being that I’m an artsy and unabashedly emotional student headed towards a cut-throat and criticism-filled industry. The constant pressure from peers, teachers and the university as a whole paired with my sensitivity has gotten the better of me these days; I’m left questioning whether or not the marketing industry is the one for me or more importantly, whether I am for the marketing industry.

Let me bring you back to the fall of 2006: I was nervous, excited and envisioning a future as a tough bitch in a business suit. I quickly realized, to my dismay, that I hated all of my classes and struggled with the option I had to transfer over into fine arts. The critical decision I made to remain in business school rather than pursue my passion in visual arts has evidently altered my educational career but more so, who I am at the core. I left my artistic self behind and moved on to what I naively convinced myself were bigger and better things. Having spent three years competing, analyzing, controlling, cramming and networking, I hoped that the beginning of my final year would find me eager for the real world and passionate about the art of marketing. As is my style, I have thought and over-thought every aspect of this time in my life and what is to come. I am incredibly saddened to write that my over-analyzing has led me to numerous non-conclusions, many of which carry negative connotations for me. My future unnerves me, my education in marketing worries me, my need for more art torments me. Now, here I am: confused, uneasy, lacking in self-confidence, wanting skills I don’t have, wanting a sign that indicates that my future will work out! Most importantly though, here I am, wanting to interweave and synergize what I’ve studied, what I know and what I love.

I am on a mission this year: 1) reinforce self-confidence, 2) encourage and embrace my artistic side, 3) pursue the opportunities that marketing offers me and 4) find my path...
Find my path… Seems daunting and unrealistic at the tender age of 23.
But hey, I’m not asking for my dream job to pop out of thin air and my career to be laid out in front of me; I just need some reassurance that I’m headed the right way, whichever way that may be.