Times-a-flyin', Dreamlands float by, Nightmares don't knock me down but they sure do get my heart-beating faster.

Later in my life, when wiser and seasoned, I'll write a country song about the sorrows and joys of periods of change. I'm such a newb to it all right now; overreacting at the smallest upset! Change is tough, guys and gals! My Grandma agreed rather knowingly when I mentioned how I was feeling. "Transition is difficult, Dear", she said, faint remains of her British accent audible in certain words. She came to Canada on a ship in her mid-Twenties with an infant and a bun in the oven, leaving her family and friends to start a new life; she knows about periods of transition.

As you may know, my performance anxiety has been getting to me. Vivid nightmares in which I am forced to create or a big, bad man will fly down at me and bite off my legs...

It's only been a few weeks since my last contemplative post but much has changed since then, I feel. I'm seeing more clearly. And frankly, I'm happy that I had that little down to put me in my place! I'm young - the downs and confusion and ego-bursting moments are necessary in order to show me the way to the next level, my next peak.

I'm settling into my job, settling into the level of creation, settling into my first fall since I was four years old that I am not in school. My gosh, I do yearn for more schooling. I had a few days of feeling as though since I am done school, the learning is complete and this is the level of design that I will be at for the rest of my life. Hahah, so ridiculous. I've snapped out of it. Now, I'm just trying to go with the flow. It's a joy to have some free time to focus on my development - I just need to get used to the happiness of it all.

For a little while there, I felt as though I wasn't creating anything interesting. It all seemed so blah to me. After having brainstormed some ideas with my bosses and close friends, I realize there's something interesting in the majority of my ideas. I gotta have faith! It's all coming together, I feel myself relaxing into it.

So, what's next?

Well... I'm conceptualizing and designing a promotional journal for Surface Jalouse. The release of the book will coincide with a huge reopening of the Surface Boutique! I have to design displays for the interior of the boutique (vinyls, showcase boxes, pieces of furniture) and a line of t-shirts. We're also going to develop the winter season window installations for the Boutique and for several clothing stores. And all this for only a couple of months from now. Wow - seems I'm a little out of my league with all this stuff! Lots of inspiration though... so things will roll :)!

Here's some inspiration for you now:

A great, long episode of The Strombo Show on CBC Radio:
http://www.cbc.ca/video/#/Radio/1447825254/ID=2127808266

The first in a series of short films called Made by Hand, promoting hand-made, local artisans:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfuGWT8alT4

I want to start embroidering on photos:

Vibrant artwork by an artist whose name I can't fully remember... Francis something. Sorry artist! Who didn't love Darjeeling Limited?! Watch for gorgeous patterns in every scene!

Love this kind of symmetrical illustration, using a strong white space and simple, unhesitating, lines. Mingo Lamberti

Great new tune to enjoy:

Feist - How come you never go there?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h65YIvjIV7E

And I'll leave you with something to consider... I've been mulling it over for a while now. Why not be a part of your community by making it more beautiful? Positive vandalism, if you will. It takes little effort and goes such a long way in brightening your environment and neighbours' lives.  And in a city like Montreal - pot-hole filled and such - who wouldn't love a little ironic, colourful addition to their surroundings?

Til next time everyone! Enjoy the change, layers of clothing and fall colours...

The Burden of Honesty and The Time for Change

I left home at 17, eager to be independent and eager to get away from the constant squabbles between my father and I. I was home this weekend for thanksgiving, over 7 years since I moved away. I got into a discussion with my sister. A discussion that bore far too much resemblance to the arguments I had moved away from, a discussion that focused around my lack of empathy for my sister. I had said things that offended her, hurt her feelings, made her feel judged. I hadn't even thought twice about the sentences that bothered her. To me, there were just observations, sheer honesty. The fact is, I'm an honest person. Back in the day, when I was 17, argumentative and hard-headed (not much has changed), I felt deep guilt when told that I was insensitive. These arguments made me feel like a horrible, selfish person. Possibly to protect myself from those feelings of guilt, I came to terms with the fact that I was simply an opinionated and truthful (at times, loud mouthed) person. I was not being selfish, I was being me.

There comes a time in your life when you have to let go of the negativity that lingers from your adolescent angst. I realize now that I am so hellbent on identifying as an "honest and upfront" person in large part due to the need to prove to my family members that I am not selfish or insensitive - I'm just honest. I say something that hurts someone and rather than owning up and attempting to change, I say "Sorry, this is me". Change is hard, I guess I was avoiding it.

Now that I understand what type of person I am, and now that I understand that my blunt, and sometimes brutal, honesty hurts people, what am I to do? Here comes the lesson, sometimes it's better to simply keep it to myself – swallow my pride and swallow the need to say what’s on my mind. It's proving to be incredibly tough.

During my discussion with my sister this weekend, my father had had enough and intervened: "That's enough! Erin, you hurt her feelings, don't ask why, ask what you can do to change the way she's feeling! Andrea, your sister will not change, you may have to grow a thicker skin! This is about social and emotional intelligence! This is simple, think about what you say and how it makes others feel!!" he said (...yelled...).

I must say, this yelling session did bring back those defensive feelings from high school. It made me want to stand up to my father and show him that my opinion counts. But in this case, he was entirely right. I am proud of the fact that I am an honest individual who doesn't hold back and shows my true emotions; however, I am now old enough to put my pride aside and understand that sometimes, my need to be honest is simply not as important as others' comfort.

But, this blog is about working towards becoming a well-rounded and successful businesswoman and therefore, all post should be directed towards this cause! As touched upon by my wise father, this weekend of realization has shown me a lot about business interactions and the need to be as emotionally in tune as possible. If my goal is to one day run my own business, I need to understand people and be able to successfully maneuver around any and all social interactions, emotionally charge or not. I need to have a firm grasp on when to keep my mouth shut and when to add a little white lie. Not for my own advancement in a specific position, but so as to avoid hurting people. Hurting those around me inevitably causes me a great deal of pain, long-lasting guilt and causes them to resent me. I'm at the age now that I'm ready to let go of my pride and the hard-headedness of the 17 year old in me. I want to work at being a better adult, one who can become aware of their faults and work at them, one who's fair, one who's respected and constructively critical when needed. Change is hard, I get that now. I see it all clearly and I'm ready to grow up.

Wearing my purple stone for good luck

Wow, is it really 2010?

Did I just turn 24?????
When did I become an adult? This blog was started in anticipation of my 24th year, the year of enlightenment (not my first encounter with enlightenment and not my last). This year has a lot to live up to. For some reason, I’ve been drawn to 24 and looking forward to it for a long time. We will see what it brings… It’s already started off with a bang.
Was I selected to be a part of a marketing competition?
RECOGNITION!
3 Months of intensity ahead?
Check.
Italy in…103 days???
I haven’t even wrapped my mind around it but whenever I allow myself to wander towards thoughts of my glorious adventure ahead, the ignition gets lit and my brain starts to rumble and I race through the thoughts before getting pulled back to reality – just before the having my mindblown! It is mindblowing!! Don’t want to completely loose my sanity due to excitement. I need my feet on the ground. After all, there are too many things that require my immediate attention!
Graduation in 5 months?
I can’t even begin to explain the emotions this brings up. It’s time to be done, I want to finally give birth to this degree! But I sense the postpartum looming.

And. And. And. And……. So many things happening.
This will be the quickest year of my life and one of movement. My Chinese year and therefore, my lucky year. It’s time to move and take advantage of my pending freedom from JMSB. I’ll allow myself to jump to the thought for the purpose of this blog, but I do this seldom (as mentioned – too much to focus on right now) so I have to soak it in when I do daydream about it, ok, here it goes,…. VANCOUVER IN A YEAR (with the only person that I’ve ever wanted to share this type of adventure with)

Wow and wow.

Obviously my mind is all over the place and my days are flying by.
I’ve officially jumped in.
This is not a time to sit back, be discreet or blend in. This is my YEAR!

Chapter 1: Step 1

I’m feeling good right now and, funnily enough, this blog has contributed. Organizing my thoughts, listing out my issues, strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats,... (SWOT for all Marketers)… Makes me realize how things actually are. That is, from an outside point of view, rather than my own critical angle. This week, I’m more aware of my strengths than I was last week.

I had to face several issues head-on this weekend. And I must say, the conflict was liberating. Unbeknownst to me at the time, facing these issues reinstated my belief in self. I have great instincts; they should be granted more decision-making power. I won’t neglect them again. I vow, wholehearted instinct following in future endeavors.

Although the issues I dealt with had little to do with my education or my future career, having my instincts and what I know questioned and proven correct, truly restored my sense of confidence. This weekend I realized, I know what I’m doing.

As if by fate, the direction I was searching for delivered itself in the form of a few confrontations in which, whether victor or not, I came out stronger on the inside.
Faith in self. I’m realizing more and more that although I initially search for support from family and friends, I should take a breather and remember who I am and what I have to offer.

As I mentioned in the Prelude, my first week of school dealt me some blows. Many of which had to be dealt in order for me to realize where I stand and what steps to take next. I’ve felt deflated by my marketing peers who seem so directed and aware of what path they intend to follow as I am unsure and my path will most likely be unconventional. This has caused me some shame unfortunately. I’m ashamed to admit my shame as I am a true advocate of individuality and self-expression. You would think that I would embrace my differences, thrive from them and encourage their development. However, thank the higher power for my weekend disputes and the emotional stability they granted me. As unconventional as my path may be, it will be mine.

The decisions I make are the right ones for me, I feel solidified in that fact now.

In an effort to prove to myself that I am growing as an individual and taking concrete steps towards my goals (numerated in Prelude), I will attempt a weekly listing of my cultivating activities...

Week 1 STEPS (Let the marketing group work, artistic endeavors and exploration begin):

- Debate style Food Marketing presentation preparation
- Consider and add qualifications/added value/artistic assets to CV
- Self-portrait on photoshop (Erin as a Tree, Being of Growth)
- Photos of landscape and bedroom for Studio Art Class (Photographic evidence to follow)
- Singing class! Belt it out! VOCALIZE!
- Critical analysis, evaluation and contemplation of case for Strategic Marketing Planning
- Personalized greeting cards to celebrate my loved ones' achievements, birthdays and a special anniversary (Many reasons to celebrate this week!)
- Explore ways to gain insight into my sixth sense. I'm not crazy people, I have had several concrete ESP moments this week...


Cheers to me being me and you being you.