Times-a-flyin', Dreamlands float by, Nightmares don't knock me down but they sure do get my heart-beating faster.

Later in my life, when wiser and seasoned, I'll write a country song about the sorrows and joys of periods of change. I'm such a newb to it all right now; overreacting at the smallest upset! Change is tough, guys and gals! My Grandma agreed rather knowingly when I mentioned how I was feeling. "Transition is difficult, Dear", she said, faint remains of her British accent audible in certain words. She came to Canada on a ship in her mid-Twenties with an infant and a bun in the oven, leaving her family and friends to start a new life; she knows about periods of transition.

As you may know, my performance anxiety has been getting to me. Vivid nightmares in which I am forced to create or a big, bad man will fly down at me and bite off my legs...

It's only been a few weeks since my last contemplative post but much has changed since then, I feel. I'm seeing more clearly. And frankly, I'm happy that I had that little down to put me in my place! I'm young - the downs and confusion and ego-bursting moments are necessary in order to show me the way to the next level, my next peak.

I'm settling into my job, settling into the level of creation, settling into my first fall since I was four years old that I am not in school. My gosh, I do yearn for more schooling. I had a few days of feeling as though since I am done school, the learning is complete and this is the level of design that I will be at for the rest of my life. Hahah, so ridiculous. I've snapped out of it. Now, I'm just trying to go with the flow. It's a joy to have some free time to focus on my development - I just need to get used to the happiness of it all.

For a little while there, I felt as though I wasn't creating anything interesting. It all seemed so blah to me. After having brainstormed some ideas with my bosses and close friends, I realize there's something interesting in the majority of my ideas. I gotta have faith! It's all coming together, I feel myself relaxing into it.

So, what's next?

Well... I'm conceptualizing and designing a promotional journal for Surface Jalouse. The release of the book will coincide with a huge reopening of the Surface Boutique! I have to design displays for the interior of the boutique (vinyls, showcase boxes, pieces of furniture) and a line of t-shirts. We're also going to develop the winter season window installations for the Boutique and for several clothing stores. And all this for only a couple of months from now. Wow - seems I'm a little out of my league with all this stuff! Lots of inspiration though... so things will roll :)!

Here's some inspiration for you now:

A great, long episode of The Strombo Show on CBC Radio:
http://www.cbc.ca/video/#/Radio/1447825254/ID=2127808266

The first in a series of short films called Made by Hand, promoting hand-made, local artisans:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfuGWT8alT4

I want to start embroidering on photos:

Vibrant artwork by an artist whose name I can't fully remember... Francis something. Sorry artist! Who didn't love Darjeeling Limited?! Watch for gorgeous patterns in every scene!

Love this kind of symmetrical illustration, using a strong white space and simple, unhesitating, lines. Mingo Lamberti

Great new tune to enjoy:

Feist - How come you never go there?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h65YIvjIV7E

And I'll leave you with something to consider... I've been mulling it over for a while now. Why not be a part of your community by making it more beautiful? Positive vandalism, if you will. It takes little effort and goes such a long way in brightening your environment and neighbours' lives.  And in a city like Montreal - pot-hole filled and such - who wouldn't love a little ironic, colourful addition to their surroundings?

Til next time everyone! Enjoy the change, layers of clothing and fall colours...

It's a new dawn, it's a new day

It doesn't happen to me every year, but right now, I'm definitely feeling the New Year's Blues. That nostalgia that kicks in around Dec 30th is sweeping through my thoughts, causing me to be lethargic, moody and feel isolated. I know some of it has to do with the fact that I had an incredibly hectic (and definitely enjoyable) month of December, and now I have only to relax until I start school on Jan. 10th. I know it also must have a little something to do with the fact that I didn't speak to one of my best friends during the month of December (we got into a disagreement that we both sat on for longer than usual). But I think at the core, this feeling of New Year's Blues has to do with the fact that 2010 was just the... best year ever, how could I even try to top it?

I felt so positive this past year. Thriving during my last semester of Marketing, moving in with Peter, going to Italy, getting a great position as a teacher's assistant, deciding to study graphic design and subsequently, thriving in my graphic design courses. And now, this year is all over. I fear that I may loose my momentum. I fear that growing older may cause me to become harder, more jaded, less positive.

I'm realizing more and more that life is tough - money, relationships, competition, stress, deadlines... they all get to you. Doesn't that hard exterior and pessimism just come with age?? After all, I am on the verge of 25, shouldn't an "aged" negativity be kicking in permanently at some point soon? (A fear I mull over on at least a weekly basis).

Since I was a young girl, I always told myself (and honestly believed), that I could do anything and that I could live a happy and fulfilled life. This is a sentiment that I've brought with me into my 20's. As I come into contact with more and more unhappy and jaded people, I realize that my hopes of being fulfilled with my career choices and happy in my relationships, will be much harder to achieve than the 10 year old me, and even 23 year old me would believe. I've realized in the last couple of years that some people just end up on the wrong path, and they don't even notice it until they're middle-aged and completely down on themselves. This is possibly my biggest fear.

It's easy to fall into a rut. It's easy to fall into routines and not push boundaries. It's easy to believe that the worst will happen and not put yourself out there. It's easy to fear rejection and criticism. And as I've learnt more recently, It's easy to fall into line and travel down a predetermined life path - make career choices based on upper management or societal pressures, make life choices based on pleasing the people around you rather than yourself, mold yourself into who others want or need you to be.

As I enter into this deciding year, a year during which I will complete my design diploma, start my career in graphic design, move into my second and larger home with my boyfriend, I find it essential to be in tune with my emotions and remind myself that I am not mediocre - in my choices or my creations. I will not take the easy path. I want to go into this year with as much enthusiasm and grit as the hard-headed, 10 year old me would have devoted to it.

Yes, it is normal to lament on all the great things past, so I will absorb the feeling of loss for today. Then, I will move on. This post is to remind me to look forward, and remind me to keep my mind, energy & positivity in the NOW. It will be difficult to keep up my momentum, and it will be easier to succumb to pressures and become what others need me to be. I need to remind myself that I'm on a mission here - to be happy. Just because I'm getting older, doesn't mean I need to get negative and jaded. This is a mantra I know I'll have to repeat on countless occasions throughout my life. It's not easy to stay true to yourself, keep your positive energy up, thrive from the stress rather than become defeated. Yes, those negative habits can take over and you wake up one day feeling as though your life is not where you want it to be. But I want to believe that if you put the effort into envisioning your life as you want it, and work at it with a positive outlook, things will work out in your favour. Outcomes have less to do with their impact on you and more to do with your impact on them. I have control over my emotions and my emotions shape my life.

2011 is mine for the taking!