Adding colour

I've been feeling spurts of lethargy these past couple of weeks. Did I mention that in my last post? I apologize for my faulty memory but days have been blending into themselves. In reality, I've been pretty busy for a young woman without a full-time job. I know that eventually, this jobless state will become a routine in itself but since I'm just starting off with the whole "unemployed" thing, my old routine is calling to me. My old routine laughs in the face of this new non-routine! I'm missing the 9-5, missing the course assignments, missing the group work.

To be frank, simply by typing out that last paragraph, I've annoyed myself. The annoyed part of me is thinking,
"Enjoy the freedom, discover your new path and grab life by the balls! This is the time to do it! So what if your a little broke - put a smile on and be happy, be adventurous, embrace the spontaneity!"

The other side of me, is fearful and wants the comfort and stability. And... honestly,... I doubt myself at times. I'm assuming that wispy remains of the pressure felt throughout my undergrad from colleagues and certain comrades are floating around within my thoughts and causing me to question my newly discovered sense of self, artistry and my "throw-caution-to-the-wind" attitude.

Again, my annoyed side, (my confident and gutsy and sure-fire, smart-mouthed, cocky side) is moaning in exasperation! "Boohoo! Quit being a debbie-downer... Put yourself out there - you got the talent!"

The truth is that being jobless has been rather inspiring. It was surprising at first to think that doing "not much" would encourage such a vivacity of imagination. However, my list of creative to-do's has been growing exponentially.

I've been embracing the little things that open my eyes to the creative around me. I've been biking more, reading blogs more, checking out people's art more, taking more pictures, reading more, DIY projects with Peter, conceptualizing my newly thought-out comic (or BD for the frenchies), thinking up other blogs.

Slowly but surely, my spurts of lethargy have been replaced by spurts of glowing and vibrant, love of/for creation.

The truth is, I'm realizing that being jobless is adding colour to my life. Allowing me to slow down and actually notice the colours - Allowing me the time to create more colourful writing and colourful art - Painting the fridge a funky colour and choosing colourful accessories for mine and Pete's bikes - Giving my skin colour while I enjoy the outdoors - Giving me time to cook more and create colourful dishes for loved one - Opening my eyes to the colours around me... in architecture, in scenery, in people's art, in shows I watch.

At the root of it all, being jobless is making me feel more vibrant and more alive. I don't feel as though I'm wasting time. I feel as though I'm gaining perspective and learning about myself. In the mean time, I'll enjoy all the beauty and colour and life and experiences and introspection that the free time is permitting me.